"Oh my god, what are you wearing?" How being shamed set me free.

 

It was the day of my grade six graduation and I'd been looking forward to this for so long but I was also nervous since I was going on to a new high school without any of my friends. I was really nervous about stepping into this big unknown chapter. But I knew how to comfort myself the day of the graduation though, I could pick out the perfect outfit that would make me feel cool, mature, and feel ready to take on this next chapter solo. I could at least control that.

I wore a purple pipping hot t-shirt, my very first real brand name top, and my relaxed fit blue jeans. I felt comfy and confident. And to top it off I was wearing my brand new black Doc Marten eight ups that had come straight from England as a gift from my grandparents. 

That was it, I was set. I could not see how this outfit could get any better.

Little did I know, my best friend was about to shatter my outfit dreams.

Before the ceremony, I excitedly ran to the bathroom to say hi to my friends, but before I could say anything I got the look.

It started at my feet and slowly the eyes started scanning up my legs, at my top and to my face, looking like she’d just smelt something awful, out came those dreaded words that would haunt me for years to come.

“oh my god, what are you wearing?” !! 

I was crushed

Somehow I'd gotten it wrong and I didn’t even know what it was.

The words came directly from my best friend Jade, the alpha female of the group.

She was fitted in a pretty floral dress and nice black Mary Jane shoes.

Somehow I missed the memo about the dress code and I did not fit in.

I was singled out. Othered..

I don’t remember much of the rest of that day, I was in shock

What I do remember though is doubting myself and wondering how I had trusted my instincts and how that could have been so wrong in someone else’s opinion. I was confused.

I had shown up in something that I felt truly represented me, my style and who I was. Above all I was comfortable and I loved it.

It was a painful lesson to learn at 11 years old, when so much of who I was was tied up in fitting in. But it did teach me how to let go and move forward.

I had started that day scared to leave the nest of my friends and the safety of my primary school

But I felt very ready to move forward by the end of that ceremony.

In a way being made to feel that way made it easier to close that chapter and move on.

I do wonder if my best friend was scared about us going to separate schools next year. Moving on to high school, stepping into the unknown. I do wonder if she may have been projecting some of those fears onto me by judging me that day.

When we show up as our authentic selves we’re not always going to get approval from the people around us.

We’re hardwired ancestrally to want approval from the tribe in order keep us safe, but sometimes that knock can lead us on our right path.

When we learn to love our unique selves, appreciate our quirky likes and dislikes we are less likely to judge others for their choices.

That love can set us free.